How To Deal

#153: With Not Knowing

I don't know how to deal...

With heels that look good but are not practical for taking 10-minute walks to the bus stop with 5 kgs. of junk on each shoulder. With sneakers that are right but do not fit my pants or my bracelet or the non-sloppy look that I am going for in school. With white shirts that have red color runs because I placed a Coca-Cola shirt with the white laundry. With awkward attempts at conversation and straighforward invitations for football games, cowboy parties and beach BBQs. With unexpected silence from the one you expect to speak and the outpouring of words from one you least expect.

I don't know how to...

Read in the house without falling asleep. Log on without chatting. Watch tennis on TV without getting bored. Pronounce a classmate's French name without feeling embarassed. Answer.

I don't know how...

I get through the day with a mere 1000 calorie food intake. I've allowed myself to live within walking distance of the beach without going there. I've been able to wake up each day for an 8am class with less than 5 hours of sleep. I always seem to attract trouble whenever I let someone get close.

I don't know...

If it was very Meg Ryan of me to walk barefoot from the bus stop to the house today or if that was pure "ghetto." If Coke Zero's ad is good apart from the cute lead character. If it's even possible to keep friendship when lines have been crossed. If being Asian gives me the excuse to be indirect.

I don't...

Want to end up in the same situation I was in 4 years ago. Want girlfriends accusing me of something I'm not guilty of. Want to even come close. Want to think at this point because it's Australia Day tomorrow and no one should think on holidays.

I...

Will just go to Coogee Beach tomorrow.
And walk barefoot on the sand.
And float my worries away on a giant pink slipper.